Clarity

Finally. I feel like I've been living in a fog this week. Sick from Sunday to Saturday, I finally felt normal again today. I still don't have my full sense of smell, and I only ate one meal, but for the most part I feel better. I washed everything, clothes, sheets, all the random blankets we have in the living room...if I touched it while I was sick, it got thrown in the washing machine today. I hate being sick, and don't want to relapse just because I stuck my face in a dirty pillow, you know?

Anyway, despite going to Dallas and having my beloved Whataburger (twice!) this week sort of sucked. There were still a few adventures thrown in there, like Herb not knowing how to tell us to exit (Herb is what we named our GPS voice-man), and finding out that DFW airport is so massive it basically has it's own highway system, and coming home in a different car than we left in, but I slept more than I was awake and I really can't tell you what days any of those things happened, or any other details that might be interesting.

Things have been so weird this whole month. Josh traveling, my knee being messed up, then getting sick, and then both of us traveling...I'm kind of ready to just be back to normal this week. I have my appointment with the orthopedic specialist early tomorrow morning, so hopefully I'll get some kind of resolution out of that, and not just another 'stay off of it and see what happens' kind of visit, because I'm tired of staying off of it. I also meet with the actual psychiatrist on Wednesday, and then the eye doctor on Thursday. It's another busy week, but Josh will be here, and all my appointments are close to the house, so it should be more normal than the past two weeks have been.

I don't have a menu planned for this week since I haven't been up to cooking or even thinking about what to cook just yet. I may plan something and go out tomorrow evening, depending on how I feel after my doctors appointment in the morning. I know that I need to get back on plan (I'm pretty sure that stopping my evening smoothies is what weakened my immune system in the first place!) but I also doing want to do too much to quick and relapse. I've done that before, and that's why I went ahead and stayed in from the time we got back on Wednesday until now...I do not want to be sick anymore. I hate it!

Ok, sorry for rambling on about being sick so much, but that's pretty much all that my life consisted of this past week. Sick at home, sick in a hotel room in Dallas, sick on the road, and more sick at home. Boring. This next week will definitely bring more blog-worthy happenings, as well as some deliveries! Ahh, retail therapy. Does the body good! ;)

Lazy Sunday

Today wasn't supposed to be such a lazy day, we had plans to go downtown for the St. Patrick's Day festivities, but I'm just so wiped out. I'm not used to going out and doing something every single day of the week (even if it was just shopping), and then when Josh got back we went out to the club where he DJs three nights in a row! So I decided to take today to relax, wash clothes, and get ready for this next week....

Josh has to go on another trip, but since it's only to Dallas, he decided to drive and take me with him. Which means that I am currently trying to do all the laundry, and decided what I want to take, and really hoping that this sore throat and cough I woke up with today doesn't turn into a full-blown cold. I also have a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon, so we'll probably get up, go pick up our rental, wait for Aaron to get here (Joshs brother, he's house/dog/cat sitting for us), go to my doctors appointment, then pack up and leave since Josh has to get there and immediately get to work. I also have to call and reschedule my eye doctors appointment that I had on Wednesday, since we won't be back until late Wednesday night. And then, of course, we're right back to Thursday which is Joshs night to play.

I'm not complaining. Not in the least, I'm actually glad that we've got some fun stuff (finally!) happening in this town, and I'm definitely appreciative of the fact that Josh has such a great job that allows for us to do all the things we want, and that I can go on this trip with him, it just seems like it all happened at the same time. And I'm trying to hold it together, but...it's hard. I had to deal with a lot of anxiety triggers this week, but in all honesty, I didn't have time to have another anxiety attack.

I really would like to just lay down and go to sleep right now but I still have a lot of stuff that needs to get done before we leave tomorrow, and Josh is pretty useless in that sense. I'm also worried that if I go to sleep I'm just going to wake up even sicker, and want to do less than I do now. Anyway, I hope everyone has a great week, I probably won't get back on here until next weekend.

Emotional exhaustion

Anxiety attacks are so depleting. They take so much raw energy, so much emotion, but afterwards, even if there has been no resolution to the problem(s) you were stressed out about, you're so exhausted from the anxiety attack itself that it's typically easier to rest then.

Or at least that's been my experience with them.

I am supposed to be gone right now. Driving Josh to the airport, sending him off on the first business trip he's had to take in two years, but instead I'm sitting home, trying to keep my knee from swelling up even more, and wishing that anxiety was a curable disease...and that I was cured.

What actually set me off is not the fact that he was leaving, though, I'm okay with that; what I'm not okay with is the idea of having to drive to and from Little Rock (I've only been once, Josh drove and we just went to Whole Foods and back) alone. I'm good with directions, and have driven all over the place, from South Texas to Pittsburgh, and everywhere in between, but usually not alone. Plus, my knee is really messed up, worse than I initially thought it was, and being in a car that long would have been terribly uncomfortable.

I feel bad about it, but in a few ways it is more convenient this way. Less gas, less wear on the car, and I don't have to be worried about picking him up, and flight delays, and what not. He'll just drive himself home when he gets in.

I won't be stuck without a car, though, my parents are coming up later today, and they'll stay until Thursday...so I'll be alone (with the animals) until this afternoon, then again on Thursday for a few more hours. No big deal. Even if they weren't coming, I don't think I would have minded being car-less for a few days, not like I'm the type to run around and do stuff alone.

My appointment with the orthopedic specialist isn't until the 25th of this month, but if things get too much worse I may end up back at the regular doctors office before then. It's not really that it's painful, in fact the only time it really hurts is when I twist it to the side, it's just uncomfortable. It feels tight, almost like it needs to pop, but it's popped multiple times and that never seems to relieve any of the pressure. The only way I can describe it is like a rubber band that's stretched too far. It also kind of feels like my thigh muscle is pushing on my knee. It's gross, and weird, and I'm tired of it.

But despite all of that I am really looking forward to spending some time with my parents this week! Hopefully I'll be able to do something other than just sit around all week, my mom and I have a wonderful tradition of shopping that I can't imagine us not participating in any time we're together. ;)

We also have to go to ReStore, I have a few bags to donate, and my mom said she was bringing a few bags of clothes that someone gave her so that I could look through and see if anything struck my fancy, and if not we'd just donate all that too. I haven't done anything else since I hemmed up those shorts last week, there's nowhere for me to elevate my leg when I'm sitting at my craft table.

Josh got to DJ again on Thursday night. He could have on Friday too, but he wasn't scheduled too, so he was drinking...and he didn't want to embarrass himself. He ended up doing that anyway, mostly just because he gets ridiculous when he's drunk, but that's not nearly as bad as messing up a music set in front of a crowd of drunk people trying to dance. Then, he passed out in the car, and only woke up to tell me what a great pace I had going, and how well I was passing everyone without bumping them. (We were the only people on the road the whole way home.) I think he's been watching too much Nascar!

I'm making pancakes for my parents this week, I think I'm going to try the apple ones, so hopefully I remember to document the recipe and post it. I'm going to go finish trying to make almond butter now, and then hopefully get some rest before my parents get here!

P.S. If you're into dance music, Josh finally made a fan page on facebook...he posted a video I took the other night, and he's going to be adding some mixes soon so check it out!

Well, almost

Yesterday we found out that because of some changes that are taking place within Joshs company right now, they're going to be having this big 'meet and greet' sort of conference, at which they'll be getting necessary things done, but they want people to bring their spouses since they'll be going over benefits and what not. Which means that I have to meet other people. A lot of them. At once.

I already had two anxiety attacks over this yesterday, but I keep telling myself that if I get them over with now, then maybe I won't have any there. In front of people. I know that's not really how it works, but I'm doing what I can. And today, I'm choosing to focus my energy elsewhere. Like the mall!

I know, I KNOW. I'm not supposed to be shopping, but since this trip is taking place very soon, if I want anything new to take with me, I have to shop now. And I definitely want something (or a couple of somethings) new to take. And Josh actually needs new stuff, since he was...a little less chunky the last time he had to travel and look presentable. Working from home will do that to ya!

Anyway. I'm going to try and just choose one or two nice dresses or something, and focus more on getting Josh some nice stuff, since he really needs it more. I plan to just show up when I have to, and spend the rest of my time wandering the city alone taking pictures. (Anyone out there live in Charlotte, N.C., or have some suggestions of things I must see?)