On working out

Whoa.

When we got our kettle bells, Josh and I looked up a bunch of videos to get started; we figured out proper form, and learned a pretty good variety of exercises, then sort of put together our own personal routines, and have been doing those ever since.

I focus mainly on swings, and try to get in as many of those as I can. I started with 100, by doing five sets of 20, then moved to four sets of 25, and then upgraded to 120 swings by doing four sets of 30. Today I upped the number of swings I do at once to 50. I thought I was going to pass out during that second set! It was intense! I think I'll do one more set of 25, then call it a day. (That's not all I do, though, that's just what I do the most of. I also try to get in about 50 reps of various arm exercises, as well as doing a few non-kettle bell things, like squats, jumping jacks, leg lifts, etc.) Right now I'm still using the 20 lb kettle bell - once I work up to more than 200 swings I plan to move up to the 25 lb one and start back at 100 swings. Or whatever feels right at that time.

So far I've lost 7 pounds. (Well, since I weighed myself and started keeping track. That was on Jan. 14) I think that's pretty decent progress for 5 weeks. I know that it seems slow when I watch people on The Biggest Loser losing much more in much less time, and I know that if I put in the effort and worked out 4 hours a day I might see numbers like that, but I don't want to. I want to focus on a lifestyle that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I didn't gain an extra 50 pounds in 5 months, I gained it over 5 years...and while I certainly hope it doesn't take that long to come off, I think that 10 months to a year is a much more reasonable time frame. I'm not going to stress out over it.

I can feel a change already, in my arms, and in my stomach. My muscles feel more toned, and I feel...taller, almost. Like my arms and legs are longer. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's how I feel. And it feels good!

My lung function is also improving, which is great. When I was a senior in high school, one of the things that happened during The Unexplained Illness was both of my lungs collapsing halfway...leaving me with, essentially, one lung worth of breathing capacity. A few months later, when we moved to Arkansas, I lost my little breathing machine that was helping me improve my lung function, and so I just kind of used that as an excuse for the past 7 years...I can't run because my lungs are broken, can't do cardio because my lungs are broken, and I'm so tired of it! I know very well, and have all along, that I can do breathing exercises on my own to improve my lungs, and that physical activity is good, and also helps, even when it hurts. I've just been lazy and scared of a little bit of discomfort.

I'm finding, though, that getting back in shape after so many years of being out of it, is all about being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Pushing your body to it's limits isn't always fun: it's painful, and exhausting, and sometimes even scary. But - it's worth it. It's worth it because the alternative is lying in a hospital bed, sick, scared, dying, and knowing you could have prevented it. It's worth it because the end result is a body that can run, jump, lift, swing, dance, and hike, comfortably.

Anyway, I just wanted to document all of this, because at any other point in the past, I would have already given up by now. I always thought that if I wasn't losing 10 - 15 pounds a month then why even bother. I'd get discouraged, and think that I must just be destined to be fat. I know, I know, but it's true, that's really how I'd feel. This time, though...it just feels different. There's no impatience, no feelings of discouragement because I didn't lose 100 pounds overnight. Even my motivation is different - I don't have any illusions about growing 5 inches and turning into a willowy supermodel. I know that's not how I'm built. Instead, I'm going for fit. I'll always have solid, muscular legs, thanks to both my mothers genes and my years as a gymnast. Might as well make the most of it!


I am not looking forward to going to the doctor tomorrow later today. I know that I need to, because no matter how much I want to be able to control my sickness with a healthy diet, it's really not up to me. And that's not my fault. So, I'll go, and I'll explain all my weird delusions, and hope that maybe there's some way they can fix me. I'm going to show up on less than five hours of sleep, though, so I may go in there and sound so crazy they just lock me up. DO THEY STILL LOCK PEOPLE UP? I feel like that's outdated, but maybe it's just kept quiet. Great, now I'm really worried. THANKS, INTERNET.

These things.

Remember how I mentioned yesterday that things were kind of weird? Well, they just got weirder. So, even though I can't don't really want to elaborate at the moment, I'll say this: we have a Very Awful Thing (it's not really that awful: just unexpected and costly) that we have to deal with in the next few months, followed by a Very Awesome (also costly, but totally expected) Thing happening in late summer/early fall. Actually, two Very Awesome Things happening in late summer/early fall.

Anyway. Nothing bad, nothing to worry about, but the point is, I may disappear for days or weeks at a time, but eventually it will all make sense.

I promise to try and make something new, or alter something, or at least write some words at least once a month.

Also, never thought I'd say this, but listening to Ke$ha's Deconstructed album - and it's incredibly good. She can actually sing!

Out with the old, in with the new.

This year I'm taking that literally; as soon as I finish writing this I plan to clean out my closets, my make-up, and my life, though not necessarily in that order. :)

I realized, sometime in the past week, that while I don't always intend to, I have held onto a few things longer than I should have. It started with finding some make-up that I won 7 years ago! I think, in part, I held onto it because it was the first thing I ever won, (and also because it was really high quality stuff), but I'm also pretty sure that the fact that I haven't made a dent it any of it in SEVEN YEARS is a pretty good sign that I need to just let.it.GO. I have a lot of make-up, but I wear it so rarely, and I go through and inventory it even more rarely; that is definitely happening tonight. Anything more than a year old is getting tossed.

I also have a tendency to hold onto clothes, because I hate to waste even the tiniest scrap of fabric; and yet I continue to pile up scraps and pieces, with no real intention for them. I hope to take time this week to go through, and really narrow down my fabric box to only things that I really like, and will use/wear. Everything else is going in the trash (if it's too small to use) or Restore if there's enough of it that I think someone else could get some use out of it.

As far as my life, I really need to buckle down and focus on getting my nutrition in order. I was doing so well at the start of this year, and then my stomach problems starting getting to be too much. Once I cut out gluten (finally! It was so simple, can't figure out why it took me years to just do it) I started feeling better, but it threw my eating plan out the window; up till then I had relied on high fiber bread as a major part of my daily meal-plan. That, combined with an injury threw me into a depression in which I ate nothing but nachos and diet pills, and then started drinking more. (Brilliant, right?) Anyway, moral of the story is, I did not do my body well this past year. I have plans to fix it, gradually, and incorporate different things into an over-all lifestyle change, rather than a diet.

One of the major aspects of this is my intention to quit drinking. I've already gone almost three weeks now, and am ringing in the new year with sparkling apple cider. To keep myself in check Josh has agreed that if I can get through to next December without drinking, I'll get a Balenciaga for my birthday next year! Very exciting.

I've also decided to really start taking care of my skin. I've always made sure to wear a daily moisturizer, one with an SPF, but now that I'm heading towards 30 I'm taking it a lot more seriously. A face wash in each bathroom, day cream SPF 30, and a collagen building night cream are my new best friends. Also, definitely making sure to slather on the sunscreen anytime I spend more than 15 minutes on the sun. I know I got good genes, but I am not taking any chances!

Fashion-wise, I really want to focus more on investment pieces. Staples, if you will, classic pieces that will stand the test of time. I have no intention of stopping my thrifting, just cutting down my shopping sprees at regular stores. I have a few pieces in mind already, and am looking forward to sunny days when I can continue to expand my collection of sunglasses!

Anyway, these are my goals. What are yours?