07 November, 2012

Random thoughts pt 2

Sometimes I feel like I'm really bad at being an adult. I can't hold down a job without my anxiety flaring up. Occasionally I forget to do important things like get my oil changed. I've also been known to forget less important things like washing the dishes, making doctors/dentist appointments, or getting the mail. Some days I live on cereal and Doritos, and I stay in my nightshirt all day, and I don't even set foot outside. Which is frustrating to me because part of the reason I moved here (and away from Austin) is so that we could have a house, with a yard, and a dog. I feel like my life is wasting away and I'm not living it. But I don't know what to do differently. I've tried making lists, things to the effect of: -wash dishes, -go outside, -eat three meals; include fruits and veggies, -workout, -pick up 5 things that are out of place...is that normal? I don't think other adults do stuff like that. I think they just remember. Somewhere along the way they got the 'How to be a Proper Adult' manual and I must have thought the person handing them out was a murderer and run the other way.

I'm fairly certain I have contacted some crazy 'Monsters Inside Me' type disease, based on the fact that I have two itchy/red patches on my legs. They haven't healed for like 3 weeks, but they aren't spreading. When I die, plant a tree in my honor. If you release balloons I will haunt you and throw trash at you.

I love my animals to death, I really do, but the fact that Josh and I are both here with them 24/7 has made them very clingy. I can't walk down the hall without having two extra shadows right there with me. If I go to the bathroom, I have two extra sets of eyes watching me. (Remember how I can't close the door?) When I shower, Belle sits on the bath mat until I'm done. When I sleep, she curls up behind my knees. If I'm watching TV, she's on the window and Orion is under my feet. If I'm cooking, he's sitting in his bed chewing on a bone and watching me. Right now, Belle is napping in her chair next to me, and Orion is curled up in front of the computer desk.

I really and truly can't believe that it's November already. A month until my birthday. I just...I don't understand how time is going by so quickly!

I want to build a wardrobe full of comfy, luxury basics. Cashmere shirts and sweaters, silk nightgowns and pajamas, anything lined with rabbit or fox fur...I've realized that those are the things I wear the most, so why not invest in quality pieces that will last and make me feel comfortable and pampered?

I feel a Sick coming on. I hate being sick. HATE. IT. It makes me even less productive than usual, and I get horrible migraines and then I end up crying in bed and begging God to kill me now. (Seriously.) So I'm going to go and drink like 8458 cups of echinacea tea and try to stave this off as long as I can.

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