One the major downsides to having a mental illness (besides, you know, having a mental illness) is the way it affects every other aspect of your life.
For example, one's physical health. I've struggled with my weight for the better part of 10 years now, and I know that there is a vicious cycle I tend to get trapped in. If I eat healthy, and work out regularly, it not only makes me feel better and gives me more energy, it also makes me feel better about myself, and in turn, I am happier in general. But when I get depressed one of the side effects is that I want to sleep all the time, and am completely unmotivated to do anything. That includes standing in front of the stove for 10 minutes to cook a healthy meal. And once I start eating crap, it makes me feel sick, bloated, and disgusted with myself for having done so...which sparks yet another bout of depression.
Like I said, a vicious, vicious cycle.
It also contributes to how clean or dirty the house is at any given time. Laundry is never a problem; I love doing laundry, and never let more than three loads pile up at once. Occasionally I'll even rewash stuff just so I can have a full load when I have a craving to do some laundry. (Yes I get cravings to do laundry. Yes I also realize this makes me one very strange individual.) Other things, though, tend to get left by the wayside when I'm depressed, mainly dishes that have to be washed by hand and cleaning random spills in the kitchen. It's gross, but when I can't really muster the strength to care about anything else, the kitchen really gets the brunt of it. And, again, the thought of how nasty it looks/is can be so overwhelming that it sends me over the edge again.
I'm pretty stable right now, as (hopefully) evidenced by my ability to articulate both a rational and coherent blog post. Unfortunately, it will not last forever. I wish it would, I really do, but I have no illusions about my disease; it is not one that can be cured, and it is certainly not to prone to just...disappearing.
For the time being I will do what I can; I will treat myself well, feed my body what it needs, and hope that it prolongs this time of mental peace. I'll avoid my triggers as much as I can, take things in stride, and not overwhelm myself whenever I can help it. I'll do what I love, what makes me truly happy, and not worry about what anyone else thinks or says. I feel so free right now, and I want to keep this.
Showing posts with label SAD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SAD. Show all posts
04 January, 2013
02 November, 2012
Oops!
Well, I'm sure you noticed, but I didn't really make anything on the 31st. I was sort of busy with other stuff, other Super Important Stuff that took priority. See, I have this puppy...and the 31st was his first birthday!
Isn't that just the saddest and cutest birthday face you've ever seen?! Anyway, we spent the day pampering and spoiling Orion. We took him to Petco where, as usual, he got treats from the workers, he got to pick out a new toy, and he got his own 'birthday cake' (a pack of organic peanut butter doggie treats made to look like cupcakes).
He also got to go to Razorback Pizza with us (yes, we ate out, more on that in a sec) where he got his own super meaty mini-pizza. (Josh told him that next year, when he's two, he'll get a medium, and the year after that he'll get a large. Personally I think he could have devoured a large or two already...)
He had a great day, lots of people came up and told him happy birthday and loved on him, and even though he may not have known it was his birthday, he enjoyed the attention. :) He's such a sweet baby.
And as far as eating out goes, I went ahead with it for two reasons: One it really was our intent to thoroughly spoil Orion for his birthday, and that included taking him to one of the places in town that lets him sit on the patio and eat with us, and two I was really proud of myself for making it through the entire month of October without having an anxiety attack. October is usually the month that my SAD kicks in, and while I did have a few days where I was more down than usual, I still got up (almost) every day, and made myself be functional. I didn't let it get to me, I didn't dwell on Octobers past that have contributed to it being such a hard month, and I did not have an anxiety attack, not one. Go me!
Isn't that just the saddest and cutest birthday face you've ever seen?! Anyway, we spent the day pampering and spoiling Orion. We took him to Petco where, as usual, he got treats from the workers, he got to pick out a new toy, and he got his own 'birthday cake' (a pack of organic peanut butter doggie treats made to look like cupcakes).
He also got to go to Razorback Pizza with us (yes, we ate out, more on that in a sec) where he got his own super meaty mini-pizza. (Josh told him that next year, when he's two, he'll get a medium, and the year after that he'll get a large. Personally I think he could have devoured a large or two already...)
He had a great day, lots of people came up and told him happy birthday and loved on him, and even though he may not have known it was his birthday, he enjoyed the attention. :) He's such a sweet baby.
And as far as eating out goes, I went ahead with it for two reasons: One it really was our intent to thoroughly spoil Orion for his birthday, and that included taking him to one of the places in town that lets him sit on the patio and eat with us, and two I was really proud of myself for making it through the entire month of October without having an anxiety attack. October is usually the month that my SAD kicks in, and while I did have a few days where I was more down than usual, I still got up (almost) every day, and made myself be functional. I didn't let it get to me, I didn't dwell on Octobers past that have contributed to it being such a hard month, and I did not have an anxiety attack, not one. Go me!
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