03 May, 2013

Random thoughts pt 6

Wow, I can't believe it's been a whole month since I posted something. I kept meaning to, but life got in the way, and I have spent a lot of time thinking, trying to collect my thoughts into a valid post on one topic, and I can't seem to get there. I have a lot of random things going on in my life, a lot of ideas and opinions, and I feel...conflicted. I don't like feeling like this because, in the past, it has been one of the major factors that contributes to major anxiety and moving. (Like boxing up the house and starting over in a new city moving, not an increase in physical activity.)

First of all, let me reiterate that I hate conflict and drama. I am happiest when things are running smoothly, I only have to interact with people I like, and everyone else around me is on good terms with one another. Conflict makes me uncomfortable. It bothers me even more if anything I've said or done is considered to be a source of conflict. I try to be very accommodating of others, but I also have a rule about not being fake - honesty is always best, even if it's not what someone wants to hear.

I decided to stop drinking, for a while at least. Ever since I started my medication it's had a weird sort of effect on me - my tolerance is all over the place, and as such it's not fun because I don't know whether I'm going to have four drinks and be fine or two and be blacked out and falling down. Besides, watching other people get drunk is always fun.  (Not to mention the added bonus of saving money...)

I pierced my nose! Hooray! Pictures soon, I have a couple on my phone but nothing spectacular...plus I don't feel like trying to get them off of it right now.

Josh traveled during April, and I had to drive him to the airport (an hour away) and pick him up. I also went out and shopped alone, and went to the bar and ate, and then came home alone after dark. All of these things are ridiculously huge victories for me, and they all happened within a four day time span. I can't even begin to express how proud I am of myself. I did not have a single anxiety attack while he was gone.

On the flip side, though, that week threw off my cooking/eating schedule, and it's been a mess ever since. (Well, okay, for the past two weeks.) I hope to take this weekend (and by that I mean Sunday, we have plans for this evening and tomorrow) to re-instate my menu planning, get some groceries, and get back into the groove.

Because my body is a lightening rod for the strange and ridiculous (seriously, how many other people do you know whose bruises scar, or who've broken their ankle in the deep end of a swimming pool?) I seem to have gotten a slight case of poison ivy the other day when I was outside cleaning Willows cage. The strangest part, though, is that it's only on my stomach, and I was totally wearing clothes the whole time.

I've been busy doing other stuff and haven't gotten around to sewing or doing anything crafty in a while, but it's not really bothering me. I mean, I want to, still, obviously, but it's not something I'm avoiding because I'm depressed (in fact, my medication seems to be working quite well!) so I'm not sad about it. Does that make sense? I'm just busy with life...and that's ok.

I do want to get outside and work on my table and chairs, though. I tried one day, and managed to clean the chairs off pretty good, but by the next day they were completely yellow again! Plus, until last week I'd been kind of stubborn and not wanting to admit that allergies were getting the best of me, but now that I'm taking something for them, I can breathe, and see, and think again!

Josh has switched from DJing on Thursdays to Saturdays, so that's fun. Saturdays are busier, and he's so happy when people are out dancing and enjoying what he's playing.


  1. I am the same way--I just want things to go smoothly with no drama. That never seems to be how it is. I get aggravated sometimes because I start to feel resentful of the people who are making my life complicated. My anxiety has been horrible lately, and I feel very tired because of it.

    1. I've been that way for years, and in February I finally gave in and went to the doctor for my anxiety. I'm taking medication now, and it's a lot better, but I'm still very adverse to bumps in my comfort zone, so to speak.

  2. I've nominated you for a Liebster award. Please check out my blog about it if you'd like to participate. :) http://sparkedbird.blogspot.com/2013/05/liebster-award.html