17 December, 2012

Random thoughts pt 3

I have this thing about beauty, in that I just want to possess it. Not be beautiful, I'm content with being plain, it helps keep me invisible, but when I see beautiful things I want to capture them, own them, possess them. Maybe it is a reflection of never having experienced being beautiful, but I want a tangible reminder of the people/places/things that I see beauty in. I guess that's why I love photography.

Speaking of, I got this crazy app on my phone that I have been fooling with nonstop with the past few days. It's fun, and makes really crazy looking pictures (instagram style, sort of, but with wayy more options/filters/frames, and it doesn't make your pictures square.)

I have the heart and soul of a wanderer. I would gladly throw away everything I own and live in an RV.

I feel like I am at a crucial turning point in my life; changes are being made, and I already feel better about myself. I have a feeling that 27 is going to be a good year.

This month, though, feels weird. My head feels...foggy, and despite having a great time last weekend with family, my holiday spirit hasn't quite returned. Perhaps it's because all the gift-opening was done on my birthday (which didn't even feel like a birthday, to be honest) and I don't have a tree, or stockings, or anything.

Ever since my whole 'no eating out' cleanse, I've been doing good about keeping the eating out to a minimum. We only ate out twice the whole time my parents were here, and once this week. I've also been trying different types of gluten-free products, figuring out what I like, and have also perfected the art of eating out and keeping it gluten-free. (Basically I just get steak+shrimp.) It's not as bad as I had thought it would be, and now I can start focusing on nutrition again. Once I get that in check, I'll work on calories, and then combine all three to form a healthy, but sustainable for long term eating plan.

The weather has been weird this year. And being that I'm from Texas, that's not something I say lightly. So far in December we've had everything from the 20s to the 70s. I don't like it. I hope it gets colder next week, at least, and that winter actually feels like winter.

I'm trying to work up the nerve to go outside and roll the trash can the 25 feet to the edge of the road, but so far it's not working.

Josh bought me this awesome game on my phone, and I'm kind of obsessed now. It's a puzzle game (Puzzle Quest 2, to be exact; this and the original are both available on xbox) that has a story line to go with it...it's cute, and fun, and just the sort of game I like. It plays kind of like Bejeweled (matching things style) but you're actually fighting against things when you play; there's strategy too, you have a character, and you choose a weapon, and spells, then you have to match certain colors to get to do different stuff. (Sorry if that's the like the worst explanation ever...I'm not good at descriptions.) Anyway, it's incredibly fun if you like puzzle games. Just sayin'.

It is nearing 4 am and our new bed is scheduled to be delivered between 8 and 10 am. That means that I'm going to get up in my pajamas to oversee the set-up, and then probably pass out in it for the second half of my sleep. This is going to be interesting...

I want to take a break from the internet. It's been something I've been thinking about for a while, but these past few weeks there hasn't been much else to do. My lamp bulb was out, and it's been cloudy outside, so I couldn't sew (the lighting in my craft room isn't the greatest), and I haven't been in the mood to do much of anything else but flit between watching boring TV and being on the boring internet. I did force myself to take Orion outside today, but he's not exactly a pillar of motivation when all he wants to do is lay outside and chew on sticks. Maybe I'll do it the first week of January, or something, resolution style. Just take a few days to re-group, to start the new year off without a whole bunch of...outside influences clouding up my thoughts.

I think I really just need a break from everything in general. Not that I have a whole lot going on, really, but I tend to get this way at the end of the year; I feel stretched, like my tolerance for life in general is maxed out. I want to hole up in my house and just get through the next few weeks without having another anxiety attack.

Ok. The dog is making his level one 'please notice me' noise, so I better take him out and try to get to bed.

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