What's one sure-fire way to make sure you scare yourself so bad right before bed that your heart starts racing and you can't get to sleep afterwards? Allow me to enlighten you.
First, you must ensure that you have a TV in your bedroom, and that it is old and weird, and that the picture takes at least a whole minute (possibly more) to appear out of the darkness. Then, you can go ahead and step on the remote without noticing.
At this point you will start to hear voices laughing (seemingly) right outside your window. Immediately, your heart will jump into your throat and begin pounding. As panic sets in and the voices become more clear, you start to glance around for the nearest weapon, while at the same time wondering whether throwing on a robe will take too long, or if the shock factor of a half naked crazy with a meat cleaver will be sufficient in scaring the murderers away. It is at this point that the TV picture will finally start to show up, but you still won't realize that you caused this.
Now the situation has turned from "THERE ARE MURDERERS IN THE BACKYARD AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE QUIET" to "THERE IS A POLTERGEIST IN THE BEDROOM."
And once you are plenty terrified, and standing there, glued to the floor, clean sheets clutched in your hands, eyes wide, and heart a-racing, your husband will calmly announce that you clearly stepped on the remote that's right by your foot, and laugh at you.
Not. Amused.
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